The Art of Being Afraid
by Daemon D'Angelo
Summary: Gaara had never known normality; subsequently his view of life could be anything but. Fear is the last bastion in which he can live;more than a projection but a torment that he himself has trouble ,regardless of admission,with coming to terms. But,its senior year; things happen, people grow,and just maybe the chance at'normalcy',a chance to face his fear will present itself


Ok so i gave up on the last story; sorry peoples i just couldn't get into it. That and all this end of the year senior stuff has really eclipsed the majority of my time. Anyway though I've decided on a fresh start with something different. I can't make any promises but i will make sure to give it my all as far as keeping up on this goes.

Bystander: all lies!

Me: -.-

lol

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Fear; there is no loyalty in love only elaborate facades. But fear, it is binding. In love one can as easily change their stance; throw it away and their object of affection with it. Turn their love to hate all to easy and without reason. Fear though is different. Fear is respect; with both, an entire mob would follow in your footsteps; even if just out of the hesitance to be the one under your footfalls. Out of fear one could command the loyalty of millions; out of love one could only hope for the fallacy of another. While love may shake your soul, fear can stop it cold.

And this is how i have lived; for as long as i can remember. I've known of love but once; and quick did it fade.

When she died i was cast out; literal and metaphorical. She loved what she had never known and for her love - only death. And for her death, spawned their hate. Hate that was never justified; hate i have always bore.

Outcast from birth i have found nothing but the same in life. Love is for those weak enough to fall under notions of grandeur from another; life is anything but spectacular, we live wretched existences at the whims of others then die all to soon as a puppet from which all but ourselves have pulled the strings.

Love has brought nothing but pain; all love. I expect no more; and wish for none. Fear is my friend; the only friend that has kept me safe, protected my ambitions, and elevated my place; unlike the forsaken emotion of another. Fear is my own; what i create it to be, what i mold it into. What i can accomplish through it is my own making not anothers. With it reliance is within myself not within the fickle mind of a foreign entity.

Alone. One i

s never alone in fear. I am that proof. The molding of minds and bending of wills is all to easy through such a tool. As i have said, trailing my footsteps from reluctance to cross my path, fear has given me many tools. Forlorn soles ready to follow only my command; even if they shutter from my voice, they follow it all the same.

Anyway, at whatever rate or presence, here i sit; Watching all these feeble minded fools frolic back and forth toiling for even one ounce of emotion and recognition not spurned from within there own unstable minds.

There's a boy at the far end of the field fawning over some girl that will only inevitably break his dreams in two, after of course she breaks his manhood. And there, a kid not so much different than myself staring at all these sheep with nothing different but the intentions behind his stare; while mine is out of disgust, his is of longing. Fool. He would search the world and his life away to obtain that which one can themselves sustain; I have learnt the hard way that love if not given is not worth the search, as if its reception was any more valuable. You could waste your life away in its course and never find its end.

I thought I _had_ once,_ long ago . . . ._

Enough of that.

Such things are for the weak; I do not intend to make of myself all powerful but at the least I would like to think that for long now such thoughts are void to my existence. Fear now is my path; no need for such pity to be wasted on those who have the sense about them to realize that there is nothing to pity but the ones to far out of touch to realize that these games they play, the affections they proclaim, the ones whom they acclaim; will do nothing but break them in the end. I pity them. All of them. For they know not the death they are soon to have wrought for themselves; in there own tears and blood.

Lost in my reflection i inadvertently sat through the rest of the school day atop the bleachers; to my defense, though, gym was 7th period so its not as if i skipped the whole day. Just 8th.

And ,yes, i sat through gym as well. The teacher had long since abandoned trying to get me to participate; the other kids wouldn't go near me in any activities and the teacher, I presume, had grown increasingly weary of the blood lust in my eyes every time he would attempt to proposition me on joining in. Sufficedly, during gym, I was normally left alone.

At present, though, still occupying the top of the bleachers; school long since been let out, I couldn't help but continue my reflection. Not of fear, things dwelt on to long are hell to the mind, in many manners, but instead an occurance at the end of 7th period, the reason I remained till after 8th, a most perplexing happening.

It had been a long time since another soul had, had the courage to approach me; even longer since the words out of their mouths were offered in my direction. But there as i sat i heard a noise. Footsteps; approaching my direction.

At first i thought nothing of it; its not uncommon for someone to pass by, it happens. If people really did indefinitely run in all directions when they saw me it would be quite the spectacle. Myself i would take much pleasure in the experience. But alas fear only goes so far; seeing as i lack the awe comparable to that of the gods of antiquity;. . . Deimos. . . . Phobos. . . . Eris. . . . . What i would give to have there intent. . .

Though, . i am nothing but mortal; and they nothing but myth, and, as so, it would never come to be, . . but i digress.

Footsteps. Not uncommon, but out of place to my perception. I had not the slightest of an idea as to why someone would venture in my vicinity. Even more so, whom so brave? But i got my answer. Quicker than i would have wished. . . .

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There it is guys. First chapter hope y'all enjoyed it. promise ill keep up on this one

Bystander: no he wont

Me: yes i will !

Bystander: lies and deceit

Me: -.-

lol random anyway thanks for reading

-Angelo


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